First a quote: “Leaders who don’t listen will eventually be surrounded by people who have nothing to say.” – Andy Stanley
Hello and happy Monday.
I recently had the good fortune of working virtually with a wonderful team of global leaders from a Fortune 100 company. During our time together, we explored: “The Art of Giving & Receiving Feedback.”
We spent a good portion of our time discussing the importance of effective listening on both sides of the coin… giving and receiving feedback. I’m suggesting here, as I did then, that effective listening is critical to the feedback process; regardless of the direction.
As part of the discussion, I repeated an opinion I have shared countless times over the years:
“As a leader, you will be judged more by how you listen, than by how you speak.”
One of the participants asked a couple of probing questions regarding that statement, which caused me to reconsider my intended message.
Clearly, speaking AND listening are both critically important leadership skills. The correctness of this statement is likely situational and dependent on a wide range of factors.
If we’re looking at leadership from a “one too many” perspective (say the leader of an 8,000-person organization) then obviously, a leader’s ability to communicate powerfully through the spoken word is important. No argument there.
If, on the other hand, we’re looking at leadership from a “one too one” perspective, I would suggest the importance of a leader’s ability to listen effectively is magnified many times over. At the same time, I’m not minimizing the need to speak effectively.
Repeating, both skills are important.
“Listening is being able to be changed by the other person.” – Alan Alda
Please know, I try to work on my listening skills every single day of my life. I know I’m easily distracted by shiny objects and by the mental chatter inside my own head and am still striving to use the tools I have taught for years more effectively in all aspects of my life. I have made progress over the years, but I still have lots of room for improvement.
Here is a short list of “listening like a leader” ideas for your consideration and practice:
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It starts with heart! – We must “want to” listen, to hear, and to understand others. People don’t care how much you know, until they know how much you care. I submit people know how much you care based upon their perception of how well you’re listening… or not!
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People resent superficial techniques. – Active listening skills, like paraphrasing; and head-nodding work well, but only if you’re using them to demonstrate authenticity and genuine understanding. Those same skills will fail you, and the other person, if you’re using them as veiled forms of manipulation or “fake listening.”
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Listen to understand, not to respond. – Enough said.
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If you want to be understood, seek first to understand. – Again, enough said. (Stephen R. Covey)
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Listen to what people say… and strive to hear what they don’t say. Almost all of us have unspoken needs and expectations of others. When speaking with the important people in our lives, stiving to hear what is being left unsaid is the “secret sauce” when it comes to being a truly effective and valued listener.
If you have teenagers in your life, you know this to be true.
“The most important thing in communication is… hearing what isn’t said” – Peter Drucker
- Be a good role model. – Demonstrate the importance of seeking feedback. Make it easy for others to offer you feedback in a safe environment. If people don’t trust how you will respond to feedback, they will only tell you what you want to hear… not what they want to say!
While some people are naturally gifted listeners, I have come to believe most of us need practice, patience, gentle feedback, and occasional coaching from someone who cares about us and our relationships.
Feeling bold this week… maybe you should ask the important people in your life about your listening skills. Their opinion might be enlightening, more accurate, or at least more important, than yours. It will also give you a wonderful opportunity to practice your listening skills.
Just a thought.
Related Articles:
How will you live, love, or lead, differently, or better, this week?
Sincerely,
Bryan Yager
“Expanding Your Capacity for Success”
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Bonus Quotes:
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“Wisdom is the reward you get for a lifetime of listening when you’d have preferred to talk.” – Doug Larson
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“To say that a person feels listened to means a lot more than just their ideas get heard. It’s a sign of respect. It makes people feel valued.” – Deborah Tannen, Georgetown University
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“Of all the skills of leadership, listening is the most valuable — and one of the least understood. Most captains of industry listen only sometimes, and they remain ordinary leaders. But a few, the great ones, never stop listening. That’s how they get word before anyone else of unseen problems and opportunities.” – Peter Nulty, Fortune Magazine
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“I remind myself every morning: Nothing I say this day will teach me anything. So, if I’m going to learn, I must do it by listening.” – Larry King, CNN
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“One of the most sincere forms of respect is actually listening to what another has to say.” – Bryant H. McGill
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“Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force. The friends who listen to us are the ones we move toward. When we are listened to, it creates us, makes us unfold and expand.” – Karl A. Menniger
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“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” – Stephen R. Covey
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“Listen with curiosity. Speak with honesty. Act with integrity. The greatest problem with communication is we don’t listen to understand. We listen to reply. When we listen with curiosity, we don’t listen with the intent to reply. We listen for what’s behind the words.” ― Roy T. Bennett
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“Part of being successful is about asking questions and listening to the answers.” ― Anne Burrell
