Hello and happy Monday.
First a quote: “You are never persuasive when you’re abrasive.” — Rick Warren
With the midterm elections just over a week away, I suspect I’m not the only person looking forward to a break from negative political advertising, heated arguments, and seemingly endless predictions about what will happen if the “other side” wins.
I do wonder about something different, yet related.
“When the election is over, what happens to the relationships that have been damaged along the way?”
Our neighbors will still be our neighbors. Our coworkers will still be our coworkers. And our friends and family members won’t necessarily change their opinions simply because the ballots have been counted.
We may disagree about candidates, policies, and the direction of our country; but must those disagreements become personal battles at great expense?
What price are we willing to pay in terms of our relational capital with the important people in our lives?
A 2026 study published in PNAS Nexus, based on research involving nearly 3,800 participants, across four datasets, examined how political differences affect personal relationships.
In one nationally representative survey conducted in April 2025, 37% of Americans reported having experienced the breakup of a relationship because of political disagreements, most often a friendship.
These findings remind us that political disagreements can have consequences that extend well beyond Election Day.
Vital Smarts Survey - 2020
These numbers are troubling. Behind every percentage is a relationship, perhaps a friendship, a family connection, or someone at work.
I believe we can discuss our differences more productively. Not necessarily easily, or without discomfort, but it is possible.
I see this as a critically important leadership ability in our personal and professional relationships.
This is all about being persuasive and not abrasive.
“Fight for the things that you care about, but do it in a way that will lead others to join you.”
– Ruth Bader Ginsburg
And here’s something I think is worth remembering: Being persuasive doesn’t mean being less passionate about what we believe.
It means being more intentional about how we communicate those beliefs!
Every difficult conversation does not have to end with someone changing their mind.
Sometimes preserving a relationship, better understanding another person’s perspective, or planting a seed for future reflection is success enough.
With the midterm elections approaching, I offer these suggestions for your consideration:
Balance Conviction with Consideration
Persuasion should feel like a positive, collaborative process, not one involving all-out warfare. Don’t expect people to come around to your way of thinking by calling them names or insulting their intelligence.
The more defensive people become, the less likely we are to influence their thinking.
Your goal should be to reduce defensiveness, not fan it or feed it.
Listen First
Effective persuasion starts with being an extraordinarily good listener. Be curious.
Acknowledge the concerns and viewpoints of others before presenting your own. Help them feel heard and understood!
And remember, listening to understand someone doesn’t require agreeing with them.
Work to Find Common Ground
Persuasion tends to work best when it aligns with the other person’s values or goals.
Common ground doesn’t require us to agree about everything. We may share the same hopes, concerns, or values, even when we disagree about how to address them.
Try shifting the conversation from a debate to a collaborative discussion
Use Empathy
Empathy is key to understanding the emotions behind someone’s resistance.
Consider the fears and emotions influencing their perspective, not just the logic of their arguments.
Empathy doesn’t mean surrendering your convictions. It means making an effort to understand why someone else holds theirs.
The goal is to create trust, not destroy it.
Stay Calm and Respectful
Even when people disagree with you, work to maintain a calm and respectful tone.
Courtesy and composure help reduce defensiveness and increase the possibility of a meaningful conversation.
We can be firm in our beliefs without being harsh in our delivery.
Provide Evidence, Not Pressure
Rather than pushing someone to agree with you, provide solid evidence to support your points.
Persuasion isn’t about forcing someone’s hand, but helping them see things differently through facts, logic, and reason.
Remember, evidence is most useful when both people trust its source. When that trust is missing, begin by exploring why you rely on different sources of information.
And allow others to reach their own conclusions.
Know When to Step Back
Sometimes, pushing too hard creates resistance. Recognize when it’s best to give someone space to consider your perspective, or even reject it. That’s okay.
Perhaps the most productive thing we can do is respectfully end a conversation before it damages a relationship.
Stepping back doesn’t mean giving up or conceding the argument. It may simply mean valuing the relationship more than winning the moment.
The election will soon be behind us. Some candidates will win, others will lose, and many of us will be disappointed with at least some of the results.
But the relationships we value will still matter!
We’ll still need to work together, live alongside one another, and find ways to address challenges that no single election can resolve.
We can disagree without becoming disagreeable!
We don’t have to surrender our convictions to demonstrate consideration for others.
And we don’t have to win every argument to make a positive difference.
This week, I invite you to think about one person with whom you strongly disagree. What might happen if your next conversation began with curiosity rather than conviction?
How will you live, love, or lead differently, or better, this week?
Bonus Quotes and Suggested Article below.
Sincerely,
Bryan Yager
“Expanding Your Capacity for Success”
Suggested Reading :
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Civility in a Divided Democracy— Crucial Learning Practical guidance for discussing political differences without damaging relationships.
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The Road to Wisdom: On Truth, Science, Faith, and Trust— Francis S. Collins A thoughtful exploration of truth, trust, and finding common ground in a divided society.
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High Road Leadership: Bringing People Together in a World That Divides— John C. Maxwell Leadership principles for valuing people, building trust, and bringing people together despite disagreements.
Do you find my weekly missives to be helpful to you? Perhaps you’ll enjoy my book,“How to Transition into Leadership … and Why That Changes Everything.
What others are saying:
As a leadership consultant who has read hundreds of books on leadership, I’ve seen just about every approach to this topic. Fortunately, How to Transition into Leadership and Why That Changes Everything by Bryan Yager stands apart from the usual pattern. Too often, leadership books start strong with an interesting premise, only to drift into story after story of consulting successes that simply repeat the author’s main idea.
Yager takes a very different approach. He organizes powerful, thought-provoking concepts into short, easy-to-read chapters that get right to the point. Each one offers something valuable—not just for managers or executives, but for anyone who influences others. His insights challenge readers to think deeply about how we show up in the world and how we can grow as people, not just as leaders.
This is a leadership book that feels fresh, practical, and genuinely human. I highly recommend it to anyone who wants to make a meaningful difference in their work or relationships.
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Bonus Quotes:
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“Reacting in anger or annoyance will not advance one’s ability to persuade.” – Ruth Bader Ginsburg
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“Don’t raise your voice, improve your argument.” – Desmond Tutu
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“One of the best ways to persuade others is with your ears – by listening to them.” – Attributed to Dean Rusk
