First a quote: “The things that matter most in life aren’t things.” – Anthony J. D’Angelo
Hello and happy Valentine’s Day Week! ,
“I love you!”
Why are these three words so difficult for so many of us to say out loud? Three simple words… yet for so many people, so difficult to say, express, share, and sometimes… even difficult to receive.
Is that true for you? If so, why?
I’ll admit that I, myself, have contemplated publishing this article many times and, each time, I have concluded this topic wasn’t appropriate for my “professional” MMM audience. For some reason, perhaps being Valentine’s Day week, the timing felt right again today. I hope you agree.
Much has been written about the “inner child,” that, according to psychologists, resides within each of us. Our inner child is the part of our psyche which seeks to feel safe, loved, valued, appreciated, and honored, even as adults.
“We mature in knowledge and wisdom but never leave the playground of our hearts.” - Terri Guillemets
For so many people, their inner child was deeply wounded during their formative years and has never fully healed.
These wounds are all personal, all different, and all unique. No two people experience similar wounds in the same way. The sources of these childhood wounds are infinite.
These wounds may have been inflicted by a parent’s unexpressed love, unreasonable expectations of perfection, alcoholism, abandonment, or perhaps inflicted by physical or mental abuse of a trusted adult.
Many adults have large empty holes in their hearts and are still craving to fill that void with something.
Unfortunately, so many people seek to fill that vacuum with alcohol, drugs, excessive food, or other self-destructive behaviors. For so many others, they simply work to stuff their emotions deep within themselves, attempting to ignore their existence.
Most of us work very hard at masking our innermost feelings, not only from others, but also from ourselves.
I submit, that maybe coping with the wounded child inside each of us is not all that complicated. And we could help ourselves, and others, fill those empty cavities if we simply become more comfortable expressing our love for the important people in our lives more genuinely, intentionally, and more frequently.
Many, many years ago we were watching television as a family, when our young son, Connor, got up from his spot on the floor to go to the bathroom. Before leaving the family room, he turned and said, “I love you Alison, I love you Mom, and I love you Dad.”
I remember thinking to myself, and then saying to him, “Connor, for Pete’s sake, you’re not even leaving the house, you’re just going to the bathroom.”
He then turned back to me and said, “Dad, I never know when it might be the last time I see you. You should never miss an opportunity to say, ‘I love you’ to the people you love.”
I’m quite certain he feared a boogeyman would get him while he was in the bathroom that night and he would not return, or ever be seen again. While I may have discounted and dismissed his fears that night, he did point out an obvious truth; we never know when the last time we see another person might be.
We are fortunate our children never seemed to be embarrassed to say, “I love you,” even as teenagers in front of their teenage friends, or anyone for that matter, or at least they didn’t show embarrassment if they felt it on the inside.
It took a six-year-old to teach me, as an adult, two important truths in life:
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We never know when it will be too late to express our love for another person and,
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We should not be embarrassed about expressing our love for others, especially the important people in our life.
That simple exchange, now more than 25 years ago, was a significant emotional event in our family.
We now rarely miss an opportunity to verbalize our love for each other. This is true of our extended family including my siblings as well. A “good-bye” is almost always accompanied by an “I love you.”
I don’t know if it was that lesson, my current stage of life and maturity, or the fact that I now care less about what others might think; I am now willing to tell even my “tough-guy male friends” that I love and appreciate them. While our culture may still raise an eyebrow, I can tell you it feels good to my inner child… and I’m guessing to theirs as well.
“In every real man, a child is hidden that wants to play.”
– Friedrich Nietzsche
Does your “inner child” need a hug today?
If you’re not doing so now, try expressing your love to those closest to you and see what happens. (It doesn’t have to be only Valentine’s Day to share your love with other important people in your life.) While you might get a surprised and/or dismissive response the first couple of times, it will soon begin to feel not only normal, but welcomed and appreciated.
Thank you for your notes, encouragement, positive thoughts, and “likes & shares” over recent months and years. They mean more to me than you will know. You have given me the courage to re-share this “warm & fuzzy” topic with a mature and professional audience.
Who needs to hear those three simple words from you this week? I might suggest you are surrounded by people waiting silently to feel more loved, valued, appreciated, and honored.
May you also have the courage to express, and receive, love this coming week!
How will you live, love, or lead, differently, or better, this week?
Happy Valentine’s Day! Sincerely,
Bryan Yager
“Expanding Your Capacity for Success”
Bonus Quotes & Related Articles below:
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Bonus Quotes:
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“Growing up is a terribly hard thing to do. It is much easier to skip it and go from one childhood to another.” – F. Scott Fitzgerald
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“When our inner child is not nurtured and nourished, our minds gradually close to new ideas, unprofitable commitments and the surprises of the spirit.” – Brennan Manning
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“All I really need to know… I learned it in kindergarten.” – Robert Fulghum
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“So much of the healing of our world begins in healing the inner child who rarely, if ever, got to come out and play.” – Vince Gowman
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“By connecting your inner child to your internal being, you bring out the hero in you that is inside all of us.” – Kim Ha Campbell
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“The most sophisticated people I know - inside they are all children.” – Jim Henson
- This article has been updated and revised. It was first published on February 14th, 2022.
