First a quote: “To be interesting, be interested .” – Dale Carnegie
For almost ten years, (2006 to 2016) Dos Equis ran a beer ad featuring actor Jonathon Goldsmith as the*“Most Interesting Man in the World.”* He would often be depicted sharing brief descriptions of wild escapades to audiences made up primarily of adoring women. Of course, those women were pictured hanging onto every word with anticipation and admiration. The man was both fascinating and immensely interesting.
The commercial would end with the actor saying, “I don’t always drink beer, but when I do, I prefer Dos Equis. Stay thirsty my friends.”
The commercial was deemed quite successful, and for many years, yielded double-digit sales growth rates for Dos Equis’ owner, Heineken.
It would have been fun to see the research done by their ad agency, Havas Worldwide, while creating the concept and bringing it to life. It’s mere speculation on my part, but I suspect they were playing to an almost instinctual desire, held secretly by most individuals, to be seen as interesting.
Remember what it was like before going out on a first date with a person with whom you had both interest and a desire for mutual attraction? I’ll bet you remember spending time thinking about what topics you might discuss, things you might share or not share, or questions you might ask.
Why? Because you hoped to be seen as interesting, (or at least not boring) to the other person. You maybe even had an unspoken goal of being at least interesting enough to open a window of opportunity for a possible second date.
Think about people who post on social media today, or blog on their favorites subjects. How much time and energy do you think they invest in creating posts that are interesting and yield a maximum number of “likes.” For many, self-worth seems to be connected to their perception of being seen by others as interesting.
I too, find myself falling victim to similar pressures. While I’ve never invested too much time and effort trying to be seen as the most interesting man in the world; I can also tell you one of my biggest fears, when meeting a new group of workshop participants, is that they find me to be boring. I’m most comfortable with the sweet spot somewhere in the middle of those two extremes.
Even as I work to improve my skills as an aspiring writer, I don’t need readers to rave about how fascinating they find each word, I just want to be interesting enough for them to finish a three-to-four-minute missive, and to find that investment of time helpful in some small way.
So, here are my thoughts about being seen as an interesting person:
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Striving to be interesting is the wrong goal. Part of the problem with striving to be interesting is all too often, people sense that effort and what they see is not interesting; but rather insincerity, incongruity, pretentiousness, and sometimes, even immaturity.
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Focus instead on being interested in others. Every human being has a story just waiting to be told and/or discovered. When people sense a genuine interest on your part, with no perceived agenda, they are often more than willing to share. When people feel heard, they will remember the conversation as interesting. Being interested begins not only with asking good questions, but more importantly, hearing the answers.
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Don’t invest energy trying to impress others. One of our son’s HS basketball coaches used to say, “Let your game speak for itself.” That is good advice. Striving to impress others can almost always be seen as a measurement of one’s sense of insecurity and self-doubt.
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Listen to what is said but hear what is unsaid. I have often said the best leaders, parents, spouses, and friends don’t just listen to what is said by another individual. Hearing the words is the easiest and least important part of any conversation. A new friend recently told a group of my colleagues, “The words are not the point.” What is more important is the white space between the words. Interesting people are listening for the deeper meaning of what is left unsaid in a conversation, perhaps a person’s fear, self-doubt, hopes, dreams, desires, and aspirations.
“So, to be interesting, forget about being interesting. Instead, be interested!” Mark Goulston
What are your thoughts on this topic?
Now, a left-hand turn in this article. More than 37 years ago, while completing a 2-year managerial certificate program, an adjunct professor gave me a compliment I have never forgotten. On my final “report card” this instructor wrote, “Bryan, I see you as both interesting and interested and that is a winning combination. What makes you interesting is that you’re interested in others. Thank you for the value you added to this class.”
At the time, I was consumed with self-doubt and a lack of self-confidence. That one meaningful compliment changed so very much for me including my outlook on others and my own personal journey ahead. Not only have I never forgotten that compliment, but it is also one I often use now to “pay forward” to others when I have the opportunity.
That professor’s name was Bob MacAyeal who taught at Lake Forest Graduate School of Management. I never forgot his compliment or the man. For me personally, he was the most interesting man in the world. In large part because of him, I went on to earn my MBA at LFGSM and, also went on to be an adjunct professor at the same school for three or four years.
Stay thirsty my friends.
Bonus quotes below.
How will you live, love, or lead, differently, or better, this coming week?
Bryan Yager
“Expanding Your Capacity for Success”
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Bonus Quotes:
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“Have you ever noticed how the most intriguing individual in the room seems content to listen sooner than speak?” – Richelle E. Goodrich
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“Being interested is more important than being interesting .” – Ann Landers
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“Be more concerned with being interested than being interesting .” – Chris French
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“One should always aim at being interesting, rather than exact .” – Voltaire
