Hello, and happy Monday.
First a quote: “There are seeds of self-destruction in all of us that will bear only unhappiness if allowed to grow.” — Dorothea Brande
I begin with an uncomfortable truth: Sometimes… we are our own problem.
Not always. Not entirely. But often enough to matter for many, if not most of us.
To be honest, I’ve written this missive as much for my own benefit, as for anyone else, perhaps even more so.
One of the benefits of my weekly writing is that most often, the concepts provide opportunities for self-reflection, introspection and personal growth.
For those who have known me over the years, you know I’ve struggled with managing my weight for decades. That battle really began in earnest in my mid-thirties, when my metabolism started to change and my habits didn’t.
Who knew you couldn’t eat a half gallon of ice cream before going to bed without unwanted consequences? I often describe myself as a “stress-eating sugar-hound.”
When I’m feeling stressed, or emotionally uncomfortable, I find myself reaching for things I don’t need, don’t want—and frankly, don’t even enjoy all that much. (ice cream being the exception)
Which raises an uncomfortable question:
“Why do I sometimes choose behaviors I know aren’t good for me… or my health?”
And maybe a broader question for all of us: “Where else might we be behaving with the same kind of self-destructive behaviors?”
Our now adult children grew weary of our frequent mantra when they were young and leaving the house with friends: “Every choice we make has corresponding consequences. While we may be at liberty to make choices in life, we rarely get to choose the associated consequences. When you make a choice, you also choose the resulting consequences.”
That seems to be pretty good advice for us adults as well.
“Behind every self-defeating behavior lies a misguided belief about what we must do to avoid discomfort or sorrow.” — Milton R. Cudney
That’s the trap!
Most self-destructive behaviors don’t start as sabotage, or a plan to afflict pain on our future self; they start as simple relief from life’s many stressors. For instance:
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A moment of ease or gratification
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A way to avoid discomfort, or seek comfort
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A short-term escape from the pressures of our life
For some, it’s an alcoholic beverage, an unprescribed sedative, or that half-gallon of ice cream—anything to dull the pain, or fill a void in the moment. *
But those small choices rarely stay small, instead, they often grow, multiply and become harder to avoid or leave behind. This is the way addictions take root and destroy relationships and lives.
“When the beginnings of self-destruction enter the heart, it seems no bigger than a grain of sand.” — John Cheever
Over time, that grain of sand becomes a pattern. And patterns begin to shape outcomes. Those outcomes tend to grow and take over our lives.
Here’s where it can affect leadership for many of us… If we don’t lead ourselves well, we won’t lead others well either.
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Avoidance becomes culture.
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Stress becomes tone.
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Compromise becomes acceptable and routine.
“Our greatest foes… whom we must chiefly combat, are within.” — Miguel de Cervantes
Possible solutions may include early self-awareness, accountability, and ownership. Start with three simple (but not easy) approaches including:
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Notice it.
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Name it.
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Interrupt it.
Ask yourself: “What am I trying to avoid right now? What would a better choice look like—right here, right now?” Because the same principle works both ways.
Small, repeated choices can take us off track, or move us forward. That direction is at our discretion. We have choices!
“Man has no greater enemy than himself.” — Petrarch
But here’s the good news, we can also become our own greatest ally… starting today! We can also choose different behaviors or decisions that yield positive results and lead in a more favorable direction!
A simple thought for the week:
Pay attention to your habits and patterns because they’re shaping your current results and your future self.
The life choices we make today are shaping our future!
We don’t have to change everything today; just make one better choice, then another, followed by another, until we begin creating healthier habits. Experts suggest it takes 30 days of concentrated actions to change a habit.
My office is on the second floor of our home. After writing this article, I’m choosing to go up and down my stairs three times per hour while working in my office.
How will you lead yourself a little better this week? What intentional choices will you make?
Related MMM Articles:
Additional Resources/Suggested Reading:
Bonus Quotes Below.
Sincerely,
Bryan Yager
“Expanding Your Capacity for Success”
- Please note, I am not a trained counselor or professional. If you are facing a battle with an addiction, or self-abuse, please seek professional help.
If you enjoy my weekly missives, you may find my recently published book to be of value to you.
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Bonus Quotes:
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“Our greatest evils flow from ourselves.” — Jean-Jacques Rousseau
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“Self-destructive patterns cause as much suffering as outer catastrophes.” — Anaïs Nin
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“Men ought to be most annoyed by the sufferings which come from their own faults.” — Marcus Tullius Cicero
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“Troubles hurt the most when they prove self-inflicted.”- Sophocles
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“If you create your own storm, don’t get upset when it rains.” ― Unknown
